This week, we have had Cali, my parents Shi-tzu, at our house while Mom and Dad have been in Cabo on vacation. I know, lucky, right? Not us... them. We get snow, while they get burnt.
Anyway, Mackenzie has always liked The Dog. Lately, however, Miss Mackenzie has taken to liking to FEED the dog. Everything.
This morning, I thought Mackenzie was hungry, so I offered her some graham crackers while playing in the basement. She came back for more not even 2 minutes later. I said "wow! you've sure eaten that fast! have another!" Another minute later, she's back.
Then, to my horror, I look over to The Dog in her bed, as she's chowing down on something unseen. So, I give Mackenzie another cracker, saying not to feed the doggy. And I watch as, yet again, she "knee-walks" over to The Dog, holds her hand out, and gives her cracker over to Cali.
Ah, well... guess you've gotta pick and choose your battles. :-) At least they are both cute!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
ZOMG!!
That's how I'm feeling right now! So totally on cloud 9! Why, you ask?
MACKENZIE TOOK HER FIRST STEPS TONIGHT!!!
Yeah, like ZOMG!!
I've got a video I'm trying to upload from my phone and will post it to my Facebook account as soon as I can!
Yay!
Me = one happy momma!
MACKENZIE TOOK HER FIRST STEPS TONIGHT!!!
Yeah, like ZOMG!!
I've got a video I'm trying to upload from my phone and will post it to my Facebook account as soon as I can!
Yay!
Me = one happy momma!
18 Month Update
Alrighty, so we had Miss Mackenzie's 18 month appointment yesterday afternoon. Here are her stats:
20 lbs 8 oz (we FINALLY hit 20 lbs!!!) - 7th %ile
30 3/4 inches long - 25th %ile
So, she's small, but that's okay. We think she'll always be petite, and there is nothing wrong with that! Sometimes the best gifts come in the smallest packages! :-)
The world was going to end a couple times in that small appointment room. First, when Dr. Jen came too close with the stethascope (sp?). Like OH EM GEE! Second, when Dr. Jen picked her up to see what she could do, as far as standing. Like can I hear an OH EM GEE?? Yeah. Thirdly, when we got stuck. Uh, huh, shot time! At least it was only 1 - supposed to get 2 but we were 4 days too early for the hep a shot. Only cried for a minute (shortest time ever!) while momma held her and kissed the boo boos away. :-) I love my job. Most of the time.
As far as her walking is concerned, the doctor isn't happy Miss M isn't walking yet. I told her about our First Steps evaluation and that the gal doesn't think she'll qualify. So, we got an order to go to Children's Mercy for a physical therapy eval and treatment should we not qualify for FS. So, that's good. Hopefully we'll get the help M needs to get up and GOING!
You know what frustrates me? No? Well, I'll tell ya. It frustrates me because it doesn't seem like anyone else has to work with their child so much to get them to walk. I don't know if the not walking is because M is a preemie because she's caught up in every other area. Why isn't she walking? I feel like a major failure as a mom. Is there something else I was supposed to have done with her that I didn't do? I know I'm not a failure, but when I see every. other. child walking - even those younger (by far) than M - I can't help but feel that way. Sigh.
And I know what you're gonna say. You need to give it all to God. Mackenzie will walk when she's good and ready. God's in control.
I know all of that. Trusting God is ALWAYS easier said than done. Unless you can actually put yourself in my shoes, then you don't understand. Not really, anyway. Sure, anyone who has a heart and/or children, understand the pressures of parenting. They understand the worries that you face every day.
But anywho, I know I'm not alone. I just felt like babbling for a little bit. It's kind of like therapy for me. I always feel better once I get my heart down on e-paper. :-) Ya know?
20 lbs 8 oz (we FINALLY hit 20 lbs!!!) - 7th %ile
30 3/4 inches long - 25th %ile
So, she's small, but that's okay. We think she'll always be petite, and there is nothing wrong with that! Sometimes the best gifts come in the smallest packages! :-)
The world was going to end a couple times in that small appointment room. First, when Dr. Jen came too close with the stethascope (sp?). Like OH EM GEE! Second, when Dr. Jen picked her up to see what she could do, as far as standing. Like can I hear an OH EM GEE?? Yeah. Thirdly, when we got stuck. Uh, huh, shot time! At least it was only 1 - supposed to get 2 but we were 4 days too early for the hep a shot. Only cried for a minute (shortest time ever!) while momma held her and kissed the boo boos away. :-) I love my job. Most of the time.
As far as her walking is concerned, the doctor isn't happy Miss M isn't walking yet. I told her about our First Steps evaluation and that the gal doesn't think she'll qualify. So, we got an order to go to Children's Mercy for a physical therapy eval and treatment should we not qualify for FS. So, that's good. Hopefully we'll get the help M needs to get up and GOING!
You know what frustrates me? No? Well, I'll tell ya. It frustrates me because it doesn't seem like anyone else has to work with their child so much to get them to walk. I don't know if the not walking is because M is a preemie because she's caught up in every other area. Why isn't she walking? I feel like a major failure as a mom. Is there something else I was supposed to have done with her that I didn't do? I know I'm not a failure, but when I see every. other. child walking - even those younger (by far) than M - I can't help but feel that way. Sigh.
And I know what you're gonna say. You need to give it all to God. Mackenzie will walk when she's good and ready. God's in control.
I know all of that. Trusting God is ALWAYS easier said than done. Unless you can actually put yourself in my shoes, then you don't understand. Not really, anyway. Sure, anyone who has a heart and/or children, understand the pressures of parenting. They understand the worries that you face every day.
But anywho, I know I'm not alone. I just felt like babbling for a little bit. It's kind of like therapy for me. I always feel better once I get my heart down on e-paper. :-) Ya know?
Thursday, February 3, 2011
There is always a Light in the tunnel
My Light is my Savior, my God. And the fact that I have family and friends who love me, and I love them.
My sweet Mackenzie...
My sweet Mackenzie...
Facing my struggles
*disclaimer - I'm not looking for anyone to feel sorry for me - I just am writing what's on my heart, and it's raw, so please excuse my whining :-)
So, since I last updated, I have seen my doctor. I didn't go into much detail with her, because honestly, if I had, I would have just been crying. I am back on my Zoloft and have made it through the first week. I also have a muscle relaxer to help with my back pain. From the first day after starting that, I have noticed a HUGE change with my pain levels! I can finally sit at the computer and not be constantly stretching, trying to get the pain to subside. My doctor also wants me to go to physical therapy to help me learn to strengthen my muscles so I don't have to be on medicine forever. Hopefully I can learn to keep my back in check on my own. But for now, the medicine is my hero.
As for my depression. It has it's ups and downs. My parents are getting ready to go on vacation and I'm happy for them. They totally deserve and need their week in Cabo. But then I cry to myself and have a pity party. I need a vacation. And when I think about it, I won't get one for a looong time. Reality sucks. Ya know? I understand why we won't get a vacation, but it still sucks! We are wanting to move, maybe this summer, and if that happens, we can't be spending the money on a vacation. Even if we don't move this summer, we can't be spending money on a vacation. We have a car payment. Drew's car (my car from HS) is going to need to be replaced before too long. It's a 99 Saturn. We are spending more than we should. I'm trying to do more cooking, but it's hard.
I wish we made more money so we had the freedom to pay bills without worrying. My sister and her husband just bought a boat. I'm happy for them. They go to the lake about every weekend during the summer. They both work really hard for their money. But sometimes I just wanna sit and pout and say it's not fair. Drew works really hard, too. And still we live paycheck to paycheck. But then again, who doesn't? Right? Wish we could win the lottery. :-) I just need time away with Drew.
So money situations suck, I think I've covered that. Now onto another area that always, ALWAYS spikes me into a depressive state.
It feels like everyone around me is pregnant. It's not fair. I just cry to God and ask why?? Why does my situation have to be different? Does He think I can't handle more? Am I only allowed one child? All my life, I've dreamed of having 2 girls. I love having a sister. And it makes me so angry to think about the fact that Mackenzie doesn't get one. Drew says she has her cousins. Sure, and she will love them like brothers and sisters. But it's not the same! She wont get the chance to stay up late, giggling and talking and hugging and loving and sharing secrets. She wont get to share a room on Christmas Eve, with the radio on playing Christmas music all night, waking up Christmas morning and waiting at the door till Mom and Dad say it's okay to come down and see all the treasures and see Jesus in the manger. It's not fair!
I need counseling. lol... I think it's gonna take more than 1 pill a day to get me past this. I thought I had decided that it would be okay if Mackenzie was an only child. Obviously, it's not okay with me. And for Drew, adoption isn't an option. I think he would have problems feeling like it's his child.
I think my body could handle being pregnant again. But maybe I'm just being selfish because I want to experience a pregnancy again. And have a second chance. Sigh.
BUT, for the most part, I feel like I'm coping better. As long as I don't think about any of the above situations. :-)
:: fyi - Mackenzie is not walking yet ::
:: also fyi - my Dr. wants me to make another follow-up with the cardiologist to see how my heart is doing ::
So, since I last updated, I have seen my doctor. I didn't go into much detail with her, because honestly, if I had, I would have just been crying. I am back on my Zoloft and have made it through the first week. I also have a muscle relaxer to help with my back pain. From the first day after starting that, I have noticed a HUGE change with my pain levels! I can finally sit at the computer and not be constantly stretching, trying to get the pain to subside. My doctor also wants me to go to physical therapy to help me learn to strengthen my muscles so I don't have to be on medicine forever. Hopefully I can learn to keep my back in check on my own. But for now, the medicine is my hero.
As for my depression. It has it's ups and downs. My parents are getting ready to go on vacation and I'm happy for them. They totally deserve and need their week in Cabo. But then I cry to myself and have a pity party. I need a vacation. And when I think about it, I won't get one for a looong time. Reality sucks. Ya know? I understand why we won't get a vacation, but it still sucks! We are wanting to move, maybe this summer, and if that happens, we can't be spending the money on a vacation. Even if we don't move this summer, we can't be spending money on a vacation. We have a car payment. Drew's car (my car from HS) is going to need to be replaced before too long. It's a 99 Saturn. We are spending more than we should. I'm trying to do more cooking, but it's hard.
I wish we made more money so we had the freedom to pay bills without worrying. My sister and her husband just bought a boat. I'm happy for them. They go to the lake about every weekend during the summer. They both work really hard for their money. But sometimes I just wanna sit and pout and say it's not fair. Drew works really hard, too. And still we live paycheck to paycheck. But then again, who doesn't? Right? Wish we could win the lottery. :-) I just need time away with Drew.
So money situations suck, I think I've covered that. Now onto another area that always, ALWAYS spikes me into a depressive state.
It feels like everyone around me is pregnant. It's not fair. I just cry to God and ask why?? Why does my situation have to be different? Does He think I can't handle more? Am I only allowed one child? All my life, I've dreamed of having 2 girls. I love having a sister. And it makes me so angry to think about the fact that Mackenzie doesn't get one. Drew says she has her cousins. Sure, and she will love them like brothers and sisters. But it's not the same! She wont get the chance to stay up late, giggling and talking and hugging and loving and sharing secrets. She wont get to share a room on Christmas Eve, with the radio on playing Christmas music all night, waking up Christmas morning and waiting at the door till Mom and Dad say it's okay to come down and see all the treasures and see Jesus in the manger. It's not fair!
I need counseling. lol... I think it's gonna take more than 1 pill a day to get me past this. I thought I had decided that it would be okay if Mackenzie was an only child. Obviously, it's not okay with me. And for Drew, adoption isn't an option. I think he would have problems feeling like it's his child.
I think my body could handle being pregnant again. But maybe I'm just being selfish because I want to experience a pregnancy again. And have a second chance. Sigh.
BUT, for the most part, I feel like I'm coping better. As long as I don't think about any of the above situations. :-)
:: fyi - Mackenzie is not walking yet ::
:: also fyi - my Dr. wants me to make another follow-up with the cardiologist to see how my heart is doing ::
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